Identity Crisis

When trying to figure out where I belong or what I should do with my life, I often find myself overwhelmed.

A big theme in my writing is travel and how it has been personally transformative. As a kid I spoke French early in the morning with a matronly Madame. In college I was obsessed with Middle English and thought I wanted to study medieval women writers in some obscure nook of England. Then I went to Spain and experienced pure, unfettered bliss. In Iceland I became addicted to that weird coffee they drink so much of - that somehow tastes too much like coffee, if that makes sense. And of course, the bohemian cerros of Valparaíso still haunt me and I know I have to get back there. The rough edges, the stray cats, the outdoor tea-taking. How did I manage to leave?

There's always more to see - another town to visit, another stranger's story to hear. And yet it's time, money, and energy that are finite.

Sometimes I feel like an onion - with too many layers and no essence. I collect experience but I don't know what I add up to.

At any rate, I thought it would be interesting to explore some of this visually. So here goes.

This lady is Yasmin Sewell, a fashion buyer who lives in Australia. To me she represents British migrant identity. She is true to her roots but has also embraced London life and culture. She is European fusion and everything about her is self-aware sophistication.

This woman represents some of my confusion about gender and identity.

Feminity is something I consistently do not understand. As a girl I watched Cinderella every day and all my mom had to do to get me to cooperate was say, "Is that how Cinderella would act?" By the age of 9 I had learned to say, "Cinderella lived a long time ago."

I am a skeptic at my core and nothing escapes my deconstructing mind, including gender. At the same time I am very feminine, and no matter how many flannel shirts I wear or how short my hair is, I always seem to remain that way. But I don't like the choices our culture has made about how women are and can be. Hence this woman: so much herself and so outside of her gender stereotype. Also taken in Australia.

Eva, Milano.

Know next to nothing about her. When I was 3 my dad was offered a position in Milan, and for a while my family thought about moving there. Ultimately we didn't go because it would have meant a pay cut, and an enormous leap which my then very suburban family couldn't quite fathom.

I wonder how I would be now if I had grown up in Italy. I know that I would have learned Italian, despite attending an American School, and would possibly even think in it. Would I be more confused than now? Split so concretely between two identities? How would I feel about the United States? Would I hope against hope that I could have stayed in my home country, or would I reject it entirely in favor of a European identity?